Struggling to build a healthy relationship with yourself and be confident?

Tired of not feeling comfortable in your own skin? Of doubting yourself at every step you take?

Emotionally drained from always having to put a mask on every time you go out because you feel ashamed of your body, don´t feel like you fit social standards, or/ and are afraid people won´t accept you the way you are?

If you relate to these situations and are wondering how can you love yourself, be confident, and put to an end all the self-doubt, insecurity, low self-esteem… you´ve come to the right place, because today I am sharing with you the best tips, habits, exercises to help you with your self-love and self-confidence building journey!

Let´s begin…!

Important things you need to remember when loving yourself and building self-confidence

Before we start talking about the tips on how to love yourself and be confident, I want to point out to you a couple of hard truths and things you need to keep in mind during your journey.

The first one is that building confidence and self-love is an ongoing process, one that you are always working on and perfecting. This process is kind of like a game that has a lot of phases. 

This truth leads us to the second one, which is that even the most confident woman don´t always feel confident and badass. You may wake up some days feeling like you´ve lost all the progress you have made, feeling insecure, unworthy, unloved…

Don´t worry because this is normal, and feeling like this from time to time doesn’t invalidate the self-confidence you have built. The important thing to take into account in these moments and what will differentiate you from your past self is what you do and how you react to these feelings. 

Will you remind yourself of your worth, your accomplishments, your beauty, how powerful you are…? Or will you on the contrary nourish those negative feelings and let them poison your mind and progress? Even when facing new challenges confident women remind themselves that they have everything they need in order to overcome it.

Love languages

Every human being is a completely different world, therefore it is understandable that every one of us has a different way of feeling and showing how much we love other people. 

These different ways of expressing and experiencing love are called love languages. There are 5 different types: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and acts of service.

Receiving gifts

Having this type of love language means that you feel loved when you receive gifts (visual representations of love). It’s not that people who have this type of love language are materialistic or that they take into account the monetary value, is about the symbolic meaning behind the gift.

Acts of service

If your love language is acts of service it means that you appreciate when your partner goes out of his/her way to make your life easier: bringing the coffee to bed, picking up the laundry when you’ve had a busy day at work… This type of expressing and receiving love is based on the phrase: “Actions speak more than words”.

Words of affirmation

People with this type of language value verbal acknowledgment of affection, meaning that they appreciate the frequent I love you’s, the compliments, verbal encouragement… These words of affirmation make them feel understood and appreciated.

Quality time

 People with quality time as their love language feel appreciated and value their partner wanting to actively spend time with them, giving them their undivided attention, having meaningful conversations, active listening, eye contact, full presence…

Physical touch

If your love language is physical touch it means that you feel loved when you receive physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, and sex. Physical intimacy and touch can be incredibly affirming, and it serves as a powerful emotional connector for people with this love language. They value the feeling of warmth and comfort.

 Learning about love languages and discovering yours will help you not only to understand how you view love towards yourself and others, but also give yourself attention and love in a way that is meaningful to you. 

So, how do I know which type of love language is mine? Easy, there are numerous tests online that you can make in a couple of minutes, and depending on your answers they’ll show you which type of experiencing and expressing love you have. 

Click here to discover your love language!

Once you´ve discovered what is your love language, your mission is to write a list of the possible and different ways you can love yourself in your own language. This way whenever you are feeling down, are looking for something fun to do, or have a moment to dedicate to yourself you can always recur to this list for inspiration!

Here are some ideas to help you start your list:

Physical touch:

Do your skincare routine. 

Give yourself a massage. 

Take a bubble bath.

Quality time:

Enjoy the sunset. 

Watch a meaningful movie that you enjoy. 

Go on a nature hike. 

Paint. 

Cook a special meal.

Words of Affirmation

Keep a gratitude jar.

Recite some positive affirmations.

Watch a TED talk.

Write positive notes to yourself.

Compliment yourself.

Here is a list of the 7 most life-changing TED Talks you NEED to watch!

Acts of service:

Set monthly goals. 

Declutter and tidy up your place.

Donate to charity. 

Meal prep your lunch.

Receiving gifts:

Invest in your hobbies. 

Treat yourself.

Create a self-care kit.

Enroll in a fun class. 

Buy yourself a book that you have wanted for a long time.

Keep a small victories of the day journal

This next activity to help you build your self-confidence is to keep a journal where at the end of every day you can write your top 10 victories/ accomplishments of the day. It can be anything that you have done that feels like a challenge or struggle to you, even getting out of bed or catching up with your email. 

The purpose of this exercise is to both acknowledge and appreciate the small achievements throughout the day and to help you build your confidence by recognizing and focusing on these victories and your strength.

Build and respect your boundaries

Setting boundaries is an essential step in your self-love journey because it both teaches yourself and others around you how you want and deserve to be treated.

Setting boundaries is not just about establishing them. It´s also about respecting them, learning even when to set boundaries or what to do when people don´t respect them.

And the first step to setting boundaries is to actually know and understand what boundaries means.

Boundaries are personal guidelines. They are the limits you set to yourself and others to express your limitations and needs.

The ultimate purpose of boundaries is to prioritize your emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical wellness, as well as acknowledge your values, principles, and needs.

Now as with everything in life there is a healthy balance when establishing your boundaries and an unhealthy extreme. The difference between these two is that healthy boundaries allow for communications and the guidelines are neither too loose nor too rigid.

We know now what are boundaries and what characterizes healthy boundaries, but how can you actually set boundaries? And in which context should you set them?

Identify your needs

The first step to setting boundaries is to identify your needs and limits. Here are a couple of questions to help you do this:

• How and when do I feel respected?
• What are my core values?

Values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live your life. They are the fundamental beliefs that guide your actions and determine your priorities. Values are the terms with which you determine if your life feels full, abundant, accomplished, and happy. Your core value is the one that defines your biggest priority in life, the one that when you say it out loud makes you vibrate with emotion.

Here is a list of 100 values worth checking out to find out yours!

• Do I feel respected in my life at the moment?
• Think of a situation where you felt like your limitations and needs were ignored or disrespected. What made you feel that way?
• Think of your needs in all areas of your life: work, personal life, friends, family… What about your rights? 
• Will this boundary protect my well-being and clearly establish my needs?
• What would happen if I didn´t respect this boundary?

Communicate your boundaries clearly and effectively

It is extremely important that you state your boundaries in a clear way but without apologizing or overexplaining.

Remember: you have every right in the world to establish and respect your limitations as well as take care of your health and well-being in all areas of your life.

Be ready for a negative response

Sadly even when you clearly communicate and state your boundaries, not everyone is going to respect them, so you need to be ready for a negative response.

When presented with this situation try to explain why this guideline/ boundary is important to you. Do this by focusing on your point of view, not by blaming the other person or victimizing yourself.

As an example, let´s say that your partner takes your diary/ journal to read it, even though you clearly told him not to do this. In this case instead of saying to him “You need to stop reading my journal!”, it would be better to say “I need my personal and private space and it´s important for me to be able to trust that you will respect this”.

Want to read a complete guide on how to effectively build healthy boundaries in your life?

Thank you so much for investing your time in this article. I hope the tools, tips, and exercises found here will help you have a healthier relationship with yourself and build the confidence to be the badass woman you are meant to be.

And lastly, remember that you are worthy of even your deepest desires!

Check out “5 essential tips to fall in love with yourself again” for more tips on self-love and building self-confidence.

Looking to take control of your life, here are 7 simple steps to help you achieve it.

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