Are you ready to change your relationship with yourself and others around you by integrating the mirror law into your life? Read this article to discover the many benefits and a step to step guide to learn how to apply this law in your life.

What is the Mirror Law?

The Mirror Law is a way of thinking based on the fact that we are always projecting what we are carrying inside into the world. This means that everything that we see in others, whether that be their behaviors, traits, physical characteristics… says more about ourselves than it does about them.

There is a self-explanatory quote about this way of seeing the outside world:

“If they can see it in you and label it, but you cannot see it, it’s not in you.

If you can see it in them and label it, but they cannot see it, it’s not in them.

If you can both see it and label it, it’s in both of you good or bad”

“If they can see it in you and label it, but you cannot see it, it’s not in you.

If you can see it in them and label it, but they cannot see it, it’s not in them.

So let’s say for example that someone gives you a compliment: “You are so empathic”, but you cannot see that trait in yourself, that means that trait is something the other person is reflecting in you.

And the same happens the other way around. If you give a compliment to someone, but they cannot see it, that means you are the one projecting on them.

The third sentence means that if you both can see in each other a trait or characteristic and label it, it is in both of you, good or bad.

The Mirror Law also makes you realize that problems don’t appear to mess with our days or relationships. Everything that happens to us, has a meaning and a purpose. Every conflict that we encounter in life is meant to teach us something and if we don’t learn it, Life, the Universe, God… whatever you believe in, will make sure to repeat a similar situation over and over again, until we finally learn the lesson beneath.

Life gives us situations on the outside so that we look inside and realize that there is something that we need to heal because it wants us to be the very best versions of ourselves, to be healthy inside and out.

Even though it may be scary and uncomfortable to look inside, the truth is that what doesn´t come out from the conscious, will come out from the subconscious.

Life is so wise that because she knows that it’s difficult for us to inside, she gives us situations on the outside.

Understanding the Mirror Law is liberating because it takes the weight from life problems that we deal with and we don´t seem to understand. We stop fighting with our parents, friends, partners, we stop seeing bad situations… because we know that there is something unresolved with the way we see things.

4 nuances of the Mirror Law

The Mirror Law has 4 nuances to help apply better this rule into your life and benefit from its wisdom.

1. Everything that bothers me, irritates me or I want to change within the other it is inside ME.

2. Everything that the other criticizes in me or judges in me if it bothers me or hurts me, it is represented in ME and it is necessary to work on it.

3. Everything that I like about the other, what I love in him/her, is also inside ME.

4. Everything that the other criticizes in me, judges in me or wants to change within me without affecting me, belongs to HIM/HER.

The 2 polarities of the Mirror Rule

The Mirror Rule talks about 2 polarities, the similar and the opposite side.

For example, let´s say that you live with someone very unorganized and you are constantly having conflicts with that person.

Those conflicts could be caused because of several reasons: because you are a very organized person and you are confronting someone completely different from you in that specific aspect.

But those conflicts could also be caused because you are also an unorganized person, a trait in yourself you don´t like and it triggers you to constantly see that on the other person.

When talking about the opposite side, conflicts could also be created because being unorganized is a trait you don´t like and you are projecting that on the outside, even though the other person doesn´t possess that characteristic.

Yoshinori Noguchi

Yoshinori Noguchi is a Japanese coach, creator of The Mirror Law. Noguchi is also the author of “The Mirror Law”, the most famous book written about this way of seeing the world.

In his book, he explains this rule with a story about a housewife, Eiko, who, affected by the constant bullying that his son is exposed to, decides to contact a consultant. Eiko then discovers and learns about the Mirror Law. The application of this law led to a dramatic reconciliation with her father after many years of conflicts, which consequently helped solve her son´s bullying problems.

Benefits of applying the Mirror Rule

Applying this rule has many benefits, the principal one being the improvement of our relationship with ourselves and others around us.

One of the advantages that I love about the Mirror Law and its philosophy is the way that I look at problems now that I have understood it.

I feel like the word problems or conflicts are a synonym for bad things, bad mood, bad energy… But once that you realize that every situation good and especially the bad ones have some lesson underneath that we need to learn, your whole attitude changes and shifts into this healthier and more effective way of solving those situations. And when you stop focusing and wasting your energy on the wrong things, that is when the real benefit appears.

People are constantly complaining that they don’t have time, they don’t have the energy for anything that is out of their routine, not even for the good things. But the problem is not that they don’t have the time or the energy to do those things. The real problem is that they are wasting the ones they have on the wrong things, and conflicts with the outside world are the biggest one of them.

When your life is free from conflict and negativity, life feels different. It’s like you have all this space inside your mind to focus on your goals and what matters to you. Your attitude is so different, and this may seem like a small thing, but the outcome of any action depends 100% on your attitude towards it.

Harmony and balanced emotional health are not the only benefits of understanding and applying the Mirror Rule in our lives. It also helps us get rid of the victim attitude (a behavior that makes the person feel victimized by anything that goes wrong). In addition to more empathy and compassion towards others, it apports us with the gift of self-awareness as well as more freedom and wisdom.

How to apply the Mirror Law in your life

“Forgiving is deciding that your love for them is bigger than their mistakes”

Now, how can we use the Mirror Rule in our lives?

First, think of a conflict that you had with someone. Have it? Now identify if what bothered you was that you confronted someone completely different from you in a specific aspect, or if, deep down, what bothered you is that you saw a part of yourself reflected on the other person that you don’t like (remember the two polarities of the Mirror Rule).

• If what you saw on the other person was the opposite of who you are, try to find an equilibrium by being more understanding and more tolerant. You can also try to find that middle point by asking yourself questions like:

“What am I demanding myself? Is it really necessary? Could I be a little more flexible with myself and others around me? Why am I so strict on this matter?”

Try with different questions and methods until you find something that works for you.

• On the other hand, if what bothered you is that you saw a part of yourself reflected on the other person you don’t like, write down exactly what bothers you from that person and ask yourself if you are acting the same way in other situations.

Admitting this to yourself will free you from the burden of your acts and this shadow inside you.

Finally, and the most essential part about this law, is forgiving. When a person cannot forgive, it is because he or she is tied to the past and their heart is full of resentment towards someone. We often think of forgiving as an action towards another person, but forgiving someone is only for oneself, not anyone else.

When we perform the act of forgiving a person, what we are doing is releasing all the pain and negative emotions from our mind and heart, leaving that conflict in the past. Forgiving someone is deciding that our love for them is bigger than their mistakes.

Now, for this part we don’t explicitly need to express our forgiveness to the other person, it’s possible to forgive from the distance. How can we do that?

How can we forgive someone from the distance?

• We have to FORGIVE OURSELVES. Forgive our mistakes and our part in the conflict, accept ourselves with our imperfections and our virtues. Sometimes we carry a conflict from the past that we believe has been resolved because we have not been able to forgive ourselves.
• Write a letter, expressing and releasing all your emotions towards that person. Then write down something that you can thank them for. No matter how small, gratefulness is a really powerful emotion, and the objective is to replace those negative emotions with more positive ones. Besides, it’s a great opportunity to highlight skills that you didn’t know you had.

It is very helpful to read the letter out loud and use affirmations such as: “I release and forgive you”.

• Reflect and write down what you learned, because remember, every conflict has a lesson underneath and the same situation is going to keep repeating itself until we don’t learn it.

The importance of SPEAKING TRUTH to ourselves. A crucial thing to have in mind about the Mirror Law is the importance of speaking the truth to ourselves. We cannot expect to successfully integrate this way of seeing the world and improve our relationships with ourselves and others around us if we are not honest.

Conclusion

The Mirror Rule is a law that teaches us how to solve problems by looking inside ourselves. It was first talked about by Yoshinori Noguchi in his book: “ The Mirror Law”.

Understanding and applying the Mirror Law in our lives has benefits like more time and energy to focus on our goals and what is important to us. In addition to more empathy and compassion towards others, as well as, more freedom and wisdom. It also helps us to get rid of the victim’s attitude and have a more balanced emotional health.