This post is all about how to overcome perfectionism.

I’m sure you’ve heard about her before.

It’s that voice inside our heads that tells us nothing is ever good enough.

Or the one that pushes us to obsess over every detail, leaving little room for self-compassion or acceptance of imperfections.

It’s the voice that nearly gives you an anxiety attack every time you fail or make a mistake.

But no matter how tired you are or hard you try, nothing will ever be enough…

Yes, I´m talking about your perfectionism.

And although the idea of striving for perfection sounds good on paper, on reality these tendencies have a negative impact on your self worth, your confidence, career and basically every area of your life.

But the good news is we are not destined to being a slave to perfectionism all our lives.

And this is exactly what this article is about!

In this beginner guide, we will explore what is perfectionism, the key signs and causes of perfectionism and most importantly 10 powerful ways to overcome it.

From practicing self-care and challenging negative thoughts to embracing your imperfections as part of your unique journey, we’ve got you covered.

So join us on this journey towards self-acceptance and learn how to break free from the shackles of perfectionism.

What is perfectionism?

I don’t know about you, but since I was young I always saw perfectionism as something good, something that helped you stay motivated and push through difficulties.

But as I started growing (and talking from experience) I started to realize how harmful, limiting, and toxic being a perfectionist actually is.

Because contrary to common belief it’s not a “personality trait” that pushes you to do and be better.

It’s a behavior that is masking our fear of failure and embarrassment.

And although it may seem like something silly, it’s actually not. And in some cases, it can lead to burnout, low self esteem, toxic inner talk, procrastination, fear of failure…

But what is perfectionism exactly?

If you look for the exact definition of perfectionism on Google you will find that:

“Perfectionism is a personality trait or mindset characterized by the relentless pursuit of flawlessness and an unreasonably high standard of performance or achievement”

People with perfectionism tend to set incredibly high and rigid standards for themselves and become their biggest critics.

But where does this high-achieving mindset come from?

Well, there are actually a couple of factors that can trigger your perfectionism. Identifying yours can help you change these toxic behaviors (but that’s something will talk more in-depth about in a sec.)

Here are some examples of these factors:

• Early childhood experiences: Childhood experiences, such as excessive pressure to excel academically or in extracurricular activities, highly influence the development of perfectionism.
• Parental Expectations: if your parents had high expectations of you and put pressure on you both academically and personally, this could have led to your perfectionist habits.
• Personality Traits: Perfectionism can also come from other personality traits you might already have like the “all or nothing” mindset, self criticism, or high conscientiousness.
• Self limiting beliefs: Limiting beliefs are another of the most common causes of perfectionism. Especially when they come from fear of failure, disapproval, and even success.

Signs of a perfectionist

Here are a couple of common signs of perfectionists:

• You normally attach your self worth to your achievements
• You believe you can either win or lose, there’s no middle ground
• You find it difficult to say no to others because you have the need to be liked by everyone
• You procrastinate when you don’t have all the steps figured out or clearly outlined
• You also feel the need to procrastinate when you don’t think you’ll be good at said task
• Missing a workout or eating an unhealthy meal stresses you out
• You don’t ask for help even when you need it because you think it shows vulnerability
• You don’t tolerate mistakes in yourself or others
• You avoid trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone as much as possible

How to overcome perfectionism

Now that you know what perfectionism is and some common signs of it, let’s take a look at these 10 strategies to overcome it.

Recognize your perfectionist behaviors

One of the most important steps to overcoming perfectionism is to recognize when you are being one.

Earlier we saw some examples of the most common signs of perfectionism. However, everyone is unique so your signs and behaviors may be different.

Here are some journal prompts to help you discover yours:

• Has perfectionism been a lifelong problem for you? 
• At what age did you notice your perfectionism was an issue? Has it worsened or improved over time?
• Was there a time when your perfectionism helped you? 
• Do you remember any early experiences that might have triggered your perfectionism? (e.g. being a high achiever, external pressure to do well in school or any sport for example, criticism…)
• In what ways has your perfectionism been rewarded in your life?
• Do you think your perfectionism has ever affected your relationship with others? If so how?
• Is your inner voice positive and empowering or toxic and negative?
• What are some of the high standards you hold for yourself? Why these?

Embrace imperfections

As we said earlier perfectionism is actually a behavioral habit that masks out fears.

And most of the time that includes our flaws, insecurities, and what we think are imperfections.

But, from now on, I want you to eliminate this word from your vocabulary. 

Even though it might be hard not to set that strict standard for yourself, through self-compassion and kindness you can shift your mindset to embrace these “imperfections” and accept yourself.

Tips to overcome perfectionism. Challenge your thoughts

If you have ever experienced being a perfectionist, then you might recognize the “all or nothing” mindset.

You know for example when you have 15 spare minutes that you could use to make some progress on a project or tasks, but you prefer to do something instead because it’s not enough time to actually get work done you know?

This might seem like a silly example and maybe not even related to perfectionism, but…

…have you ever passed on pursuing a goal because you knew you wouldn´t be good at it?

Have you ever avoided delegating a task because you know nobody will do it better than you?

Or thought that if you can’t maintain a perfect diet there’s no point in trying to eat healthily?

And don’t even get me started on having a small “cheat food”.

We could go on and on, in different areas of our lives from relationships to our careers.

This is actually called the all-or-nothing mindset. We as perfectionists, tend to see things in black and white terms. 

But this step is all about challenging those rigid beliefs by recognizing the gray areas. Not everything has to be perfect or a failure; there’s often a middle ground.

Now, I will be honest with you, this is definitely not the easiest step on the list. But it is the most beneficial.

Not only because it will help you overcome your perfectionism, but it will also boost your self esteem and your confidence in yourself.

Here you will find a complete beginner guide on self limiting beliefs and how to overcome them!

Prioritize self care

It’s important to make time for things that bring you joy and relaxation.

Whether it’s doing your skincare routine, reading a book before going to bed, having an afternoon walk, etc. Or (my personal favorite) doing your shower routine with an impro dance routine and my favorite songs!

The truth is self care is an essential part of our lives. And it goes beyond rose baths and scented candles.

Prioritizing taking care of yourself will help you improve your mental health, and self awareness, boost your self esteem and even your productivity.

I mean think of it this way: we love to take care of our loved ones. Give them encouraging words, spend quality time with them, give them extra love and support when they need it, etc.

So why don’t we do the same with ourselves?

Here are some ideas to help you start prioritizing self care in your daily life:

• 6 Healthy self care habits for women
• 26 Best self care ideas in under 10 minutes
• 48 Powerful self care affirmations to boost your self esteem
• How to create a daily self care checklist

Set realistic goals

Closely related to the all-or-nothing mindset we talked about, when setting goals this is the approach we normally take.

I mean go big or home right?

Well, no.

Setting goals is about challenging yourself to do and be better. To get out of your comfort zone and achieve the things you dream about.

And doing this will take a lot of practice, patience, perseverance, and consistency. Because to achieve the things you’ve never had, you will have to do things you have never done before.

That’s how you achieve different results and change your life. But sometimes we won’t excel at “new things” and we’ll find challenges and difficulties in our path.

That is why it’s important to set reasonable and achievable goals in your life.

Not only to set yourself up for success from the beginning. But also to avoid feelings of frustration, burnout, anxiety, and stress on your journey to success.

If you struggle with setting realistic goals, in this post you’ll learn how to effectively set goals for yourself!

Overcoming perfectionism. Celebrate progress, not just perfection

Sometimes when working towards a goal we get so focused and consumed by the little details and doing everything as perfectly as possible, that we lose focus of our progress.

And looking at things from a close perspective might make it look like we are not moving forward. This normally leads to feelings of frustration, desperation, and ultimately to quitting.

That is one of the reasons why seeing the bigger picture from time to time is important.

Because that way we can recognize our progress and celebrate it.

By doing this you are not only “deprioritizing” your perfectionism, but you are also breaking your old habits that are becoming toxic.

Plus, celebrating your wins no matter how small will also help you boost your self confidence and self esteem and ultimately your self worth!

One great way you can do this is by keeping a Small Victories Journal!

Basically, it consists of a journal where every day you write down 10 things you achieved during the day. 

And no it doesn’t matter how big or small that accomplishment was. This journal is a free space where you can write down every little challenge you faced and overcome that you are proud of.

Even if that is making your bed, or crossing only one thing from your to-do list.

You can choose any blank journal you want to create yours or use this free journal template right here I created just for you!

Prioritize excellence over perfectionism

It’s important to differentiate between striving to be excellent and being a perfectionist.

Striving to be excellent is something healthy and even necessary. Especially when you are working on your self improvement.

Striving for excellence is about doing your best within reasonable limits.

However, being a perfectionist is kind of the toxic side of excellence. And although it seems difficult to understand the difference between the two, it’s extremely important that you do it.

Learn from your mistakes

Our most typical reaction when we make a mistake is to beat ourselves up for it, instead of seeing it as an opportunity to grow.

But failure is not contrary to success, it’s a part of it.

So instead of feeling bad and ashamed of your mistakes, start seeing them as stepping stones towards your end goal.

Focus on what you could have done better and keep on going taking with you that very important lesson with you.

Challenge your need for approval

As we said in the beginning, one of the main reasons we gravitate towards perfectionist behaviors is because we feel the need to be accepted and liked by everyone.

And so we think that if we are perfect and act as if we were perfect, without flaws people will like and accept us.

But that’s actually far from the truth.

You don’t need to be perfect to be loved and appreciated. You are perfectly enough exactly as you are now, with all your imperfections and flaws and vulnerabilities.

So leave behind the belief that you are hard to love and learn not to seek validation from others all the time because your worth should not depend on external validation.

How to overcome perfectionism. Practice gratitude

There is a common belief that we won’t feel grateful unless we are happy. But it’s the completely opposite actually.

We will not be happy until we learn to be grateful for what we have.

You might be thinking by now what do happiness and gratitude have to do with perfectionism? 

Well, everything actually. Because they are all connected with each other.

If you don’t feel grateful for what you have and who you are, you will not be happy.

If you are not happy with your life you will obsess over doing more and achieving more thinking this will make you happy.

But it’s all a vicious cycle. 

Because happiness is not the things we achieve, it’s what we focus on and how we choose to look at things. That is why practicing gratitude is so important. 

If you are a beginner at this, here are 5 simple ways to practice gratitude daily!

Or if you prefer it, here are the 8 best journals for your gratitude practice.

Final thoughts on how to overcome perfectionism

In conclusion, overcoming perfectionism is a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. It is about understanding that perfection is an unattainable ideal and embracing the beauty of imperfections. 

By challenging our thoughts and breaking free from the all-or-nothing mindset, we can start to let go of unrealistic expectations.

Practicing self-care becomes crucial in this process as well. Taking time for ourselves, setting boundaries, and nurturing our physical and mental well-being helps us find balance in a world that constantly demands perfection.

Remember, progress is more important than perfection. So celebrate small victories along the way and acknowledge your efforts and embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than failures.

By implementing these 10 tips on how to overcome perfectionism in our lives, we can break free from its grip and live a more fulfilling life with self-acceptance and authenticity.